Last night I headed to De Lucas on Darby for some amazing Italian food and the conversation every new relationship dreads…where are we heading? As we paroozed over pizzetta with ricotta and warm marinated olives I tried to dodge around the inevitable question “what are we doing” and more importantly “what do we want from each other” Whilst we lead very different lives and schedules we seem to work, and although it is early stages of the relationship we have found our rythm.
I feel it is important to set out ground rules and goals at the beginning of a relationship to ensure compatibility and create a sense of direction as to where the relationship is going (this could also be the control freak in me too!) As we discussed our goals both as single people and how these would intergrate as a couple the age difference question arose, there is 5 years difference between us and while my party hard club days are definitely coming to an end his are just peaking. Would this work and how will it be if he is wanting to go out to the only gay club in Newcastle and I want to stay at home or hang out with friends?
As the main course of Spaghetti with Italian sausage and tomato ragu was served I swilled my wine around mulling these thoughts over in my mind. Most people I know have had failed relationships because there where never ground rules set and they got lost in each other and it constantly is a battle to stay together, two of my friends deemed “the perfect couple” set ground rules and expectations and is the perfect model of what a relationship should be. They don’t always go out to clubs together, they have mutual and seperate friends and can go out without the other person getting jealous or upset, this is due to a strong foundation and respect for their individuality and personalities.
Whilst the discussion took place we set our guidelines and understanding of our relationship and where we both wanted it to go it was becoming clear that this was the right thing to do and I would never have to worry about him going out and me staying at home or vice versa. As I forced the last of my spaghetti and sausage onto my fork a new feeling of peace and understanding settled over the both of us and the conversation was done.
Relationships are hard work and it takes a consistant effort from both sides to make it work, whilst I struggle with the loss of my single-self and having to surrender some of my independance I am happy knowing that I have a partner who is not only sweet, understanding and gorgeous, but someone who can work with me to hopefully build a life together.