Happiness


This week I had a revelation about happiness, recently I left full time work for full time study and as a result my whole world has changed. I was excited when making the initial decision to have a career over an endless resume of jobs, however once executed my nerves got the best of me and I didn’t realize just how much my life would change. Everyday I would head into work do the 9 – 5 shift, head home have a few drinks go to bed, then get up and do it all again the next day. I looked forward to 2 days off on the weekend and spent them getting absolutely trashed and hanging out with my friends. I had never really been “alone” for years, when work and friends didn’t feel the void there was always alcohol, food, tv and a plethora of other distractions to stop me from dealing with what I needed to. It was this week that I realized after four years I am not over my last relationship and the lasting scars this has had on me as a person. For the last month I have been alone, met only with the distraction of assignments and essays, with no work and a lot less social and drinking interactions I have come to deal with these feelings and let them rise to the surface to be dealt with. My ex is happily in another relationship (supposedly) and has been since 2 weeks after I was gone, I however have had no relationships since then. I didn’t realize what affect this has one me and my psyche. It got me thinking, we like to put on a brave face and tell people that we are happy, but when that face is stripped away, when all the distractions, the work, friends, media etc just all dissolve away and it’s just you and your feelings, the truth comes out. This week I have been thinking about these feelings and if I am truly “happy” where I am in my life. This morning I woke up after a restless night’s sleep and realized that I am happy, for the first time in 4 years I am happy just being me.

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