Yesterday was alot better food wise, I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast, a vegan salad wrap for lunch and grilled fish and salad for dinner. Needless to say after three months of feeding myself this was definitely a shock to my system. I attempted to go to bed early at 10:30pm but as I lay in my bed willing myself to sleep my stomach wouldn’t stop churning. I thought maybe it was the salad and my stomach was in shock due to lack of meat as this was usually a 2-3 meal staple, but as I still lay awake at 2am I realised it was pure hunger. It got me thinking about children who go to sleep like this every night and they are not even in a comfortable queen size bed with white 1000 thread count sheets. How can they endure this degree of hunger their whole lives?
As I warmed milky chai on the stove I began to contemplate how this would affect me further down the track and can I really keep this up? 3:30am came around and still no sign of sleep, my stomach was in utter agony and crying out for me to get out of bed, head to the kitchen and devour the first thing I lay my eyes on. As I resisted temptation I could feel something small inside me growing, something I don’t feel I have possessed for many years. Will power. Sheer will power and resistance to not give in, to keep going and pressing on and things would start to change.
4am came around and I was continuing to meditate and still no sign of sleep. I drifted off around 4:15 and jolted awake with a start at 6:30am. Why? WHY? I woke up starving in my stomach but filled with a sense of pride and confidence. I can say no, I can survive, I am not starving myself to get think, I am cutting down what I eat to lose weight, get in touch with myself and go back to staple living.