Late night confessions . . .


It’s 12:15am and I am lying in bed trying to figure out what is going on. Tonight I went into a local book store to try and buy a book, lately this book store has gone into receivership and doesn’t stock any new titles. As this is the only book shop around with access to the titles I want I found myself having to do something I swore I would never do, something I hate viciously. Online shopping. I setup an Amazon account and within minutes had found the book I wanted for $10! Yes that is cheap compared to store prices but the down side I now have to wait 2 weeks for the book to get here. Cheap yes, convenient no.

Tonight I met some new friends for conversations over white chocolate chai (it is the most amazing, decidant wonderful treat!) after we proceeded with the usual pleasantries we headed into the discussion of partners and change. I was surprised to learn in the last year that some people will let themselves be put through anything just to be with someone because they truly believe from the bottom of their heart that they cannot change and that is just who they are, even though it is hurting them and making them look like a douche canoe in the process.

In relationships I have found it better to be 100% committed or nothing at all. What is the point of stringing someone along just for the status of a “relationship”?
There seems to be a permanently seared mark of “relationship coach” permanently marked on my forehead, struggling partners can sense it from kilometres away and are drawn to it like a shark to blood. Seeking me out for an ear bashing and advice, advice that often does not get used. I reflected on this the other day and wondered why would someone in a relationship consult a single person for advice? What do we know? We are not in a relationship, we stay away from them because we know the dangers. I would never put myself in the position of letting someone else control or dictate how I act because it was “too faggy” or stay in the closet for someone. In the end the truth always comes out and as my ex who cheated on me and lied used to say “Honestly is the only policy” while he struggled with actually doing this, he was right. Lying about who you are and having to stifle your personality to please someone is all kinds of wrong. Asking someone else to change who they are shows that you don’t really get them as a person or truly understand them on a deeper level.

The most disgusting thing I have ever heard was a friends partner not wanting to hang out with someone because they where “ugly” This person considers themselves God’s gift to the world (and are FAR from it if truth be known!) Not hanging out with someone because they are not what you consider “attractive” on the outside shows how ugly you are. Last nights episode of “Glee” while a bit slow conveyed the message of “Born This Way” and accepting and loving who you are no matter what. Some people need to wake up to themselves and realise the more you judge, the more you will be judged. The more negativity, repression and disrespect you show is exactly what you will get back.

Whilst these may appear ramblings (and to some extent they are) there is a point to all of this. We are all meant to find somebody to love, trying to change them and mould someone who isn’t that is pointless and will end up hurting both of you in the long run. Being comfortable with someone and accepting them flaws and all is real love, it stands the test of time and ensures a happy and fulfilling life. Dear Universe I’M STILL WAITING !

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