Last night as I started my workout my body was in complete agonizing pain. I was lying on the floor doing reverse crunches (just the name sets my body into panic mode!) as I engaged my core and raised my legs my stomach crying out for relief the stress and anger of the day began to melt away. I had skipped many of my exercises today as I was feeling quite anguished and would have easily punched the wall. Any situation that used to arise from this would involve heavy liquor and a bacon and egg roll the next morning. I increased my water consumption and continued the workout and as I began to warm down the anger, the worry just melted into my muscles and disappeared.
As i headed to the shower I began to realise that a breakthrough had just happened, during any time in my past I would have skipped the workout completely and hit the bottle, while being quite effective would have rendered the “Pray” cycle useless. I was finally not resorting to alcohol to make me feel better, something that I and my friends have been doing for years. The thing that impressed me the most was that the thought process wasn’t even there to drink. Congratulating myself on this progression I cooked the most amazing recipe for French Pasta, I know what your thinking French pasta? Isn’t pasta Italian? I’m reading a book called “Lunch In Paris” whilst being a biography it also has recipes and this is the first in the book.
A simple concuction of olive oil, pancetta, onions, zucchini, sundried tomato, carrot,fresh parsley, garlic and fennel mixed with some angel hair spaghetti could make the most heavenly meal on a cold night. As we greedily dove into our bowls murmurs of satisfaction echoed through the room I begun to question myself. Am I a writer? Do I really want this? The spaghetti continued to swirl around our sporks and tears formed in my eyes. I am only half a semester into my degree I’m really not loving it and do I really want to be doing this for the rest of my life?
The final slurp of spaghetti and my head was clear. I know I have a lot to work on and seeing friends fail in their business ventures cautioned me to question if I could do it and if it would be worth it. I am quite fond of money as most people are and wondered how the hell I could survive of freelance without having to have a day job as well.
As these thoughts swirled around my brain I re-read the novel I have been writing as well as the outline and meditated for half an hour, upon finishing this I had a renewed sense of purpose and dreams. I want this and have wanted this my whole life it will NOT be easy and there will be many challenged along the road but in the end I have to be happy.