This is probably the hardest blog post I have ever written in my life, it is a confronting issue and it’s something I have struggled with my whole life.
Growing up we are taught to be nice to everyone, I cannot say about your family in particular but in mine it was always say something nice, put on the appearance of niceness but as soon as backs are turned the bitching begins. This has been something that has heavily affected my life and a trait I unfortunately inherited. Writing this post is incredibly scary and has been a massively confronting issue for me to try and deal with.
As people in Western Culture we are naturally polite (well most of us!) and we feel the need to be polite to put on an air or act about ourselves that other people hopefully think we are nice and will think and believe that we are a nice and genuine person. In my experience there are two types of fake people, ones that like me are a little to loud and open about bitching, whilst we do it we can also be confronting and let that person know it is happening and not care about the consequences. Then there is the second kind the one’s that do it but do it sneakily and quietly they are the one’s to look out for! They are bitchy and think that because it is not well advertised or be confrontational about it that no-one will know.
For me this issue has caused me to lose friendships, it has started arguments and disagreements with work colleagues, caused tension in my family and I am sick to death of it happening. Over the last couple of weeks this has been something that I have tried to control, while it is impossible to be completely genuine all the time and not bitchy it’s better to be aware of it and try to deal from here. I know I was headed for a breakthrough when a friend who specialises in quiet fake bitchiness made a horrible comment that went beyond bitchy, it was something that usually in the past I would have laughed at, this time I did not and stood up to them. This took a lot of guts and things have been weird since but I know that I am changing. I don’t want to be labelled a “bitch” and “fake” it is a label that I am going to toss and if you are reading this and I have ever been bitchy or fake to you from the deepest part of my heart I apologise profusely. Understand that it was naivety and came from a place of insecurity and wanting to sound “cool” and “funny” I once heard someone say that bitchy is entertaining and in mainstream media that is the image that is portrayed, it is something that in real life does not get your very far.
In life there are always going to be people that we do not get along with, people we clash with, people whose opinions do not mesh with ours and it can be uncomfortable at times, instead of being fake and then bitchy I am finding going back to the basic rule of if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!