Throwing balance to the wind…


Good evening, I come to you in a haze of hungover fogginess. Last night after months of being a diligent uni student I indulged myself and absolutely wrote myself off. I drank so much I do not remember the majority of the night. I know what your thinking I am meant to be in the “Pray” part of my journey and not doing this. I have found myself slipping a bit, this is definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to do and it is not getting easier.

Back to last night let’s just say there was several litres of vodka involved and some beer,Lady GaGa’s new album, some bad karaoke and for some reason I thought I was Ricky Martin competing for first place on Dancing With The Stars. This led to hitting on a guy who was completely disinterested in me, getting hit on by women who thought I was straight (I was wearing a Lady GaGa tshirt!) I went out with some work friends and a situation I thought I understood was again questioned, it is funny how the truth comes out when people are drunk. This led me to question my possible mis judgement of someone and their intentions and feelings about me. This is the only thing I remember. . .

I never normally throw caution to the wind when I am drunk I think what has changed in me is self-confidence, never before would I walk up to some random guy and ask him to drink with me and chat but I did. Yes a little coaxing from my friend but I never would have actually done it before. He was obviously only interested in the younger twink boys playing pool but hey everyone has their thing.

I slept until 1pm this afternoon, a feat that I have not been able to do for a very long time. It was nice having no deadlines, no assignments waiting for me (actually I do but that’s for Sunday to worry about!) Today I felt at peace with myself and while I went a little of course I could still re-iterate the fact that I am growing and changing as a person. Seriously I should have been a lawyer I can talk myself into anything!

On Friday I did my first interview with an international artist which was beyond exciting for me, I was quite nervous and a little off balance but the artist was great and kept it light, it is awkward doing a “phoner” as apparently they are called. The PR rep who set it up questioned why I was in Newcastle and told me that the quality of my writing and website is good enough for me to take it to the next level and that staying here will not get me much further. I am locked into a University degree here for the next 2 years but when I go to class I cannot help but feel what they are telling me and what I am experiencing live in the industry are 2 completely different things.

This brings me to my question staying here somewhere I call home where I have a support network, family and friends can it actually be the thing that is holding me back?

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