Forgiveness – “You are an arsehole! You really are a bitch you know!”


“True forgiveness requires true humility, the courage to let go, move on and not look back. True forgiveness is not about rejection but is about letting go of all the pain and anger to be better, stronger and share a deeper love”

“You are an arsehole! You really are a bitch you know!” Friendships are hard, they are complicated, messy and at times get so completely fucked up that you have no idea what is going on. We laugh, we bitch, we cry, we shop, we help each other through the pain and get so involved with each other’s lives at times it can be easy to take this for granted and a chain of events can make things head south and before you know it you are fighting and the friendship looks like it is over for good. This is what has happened to me recently, one of my oldest friends and I had a falling out and things where worse than they had ever been in the past. We had tried several times to reconnect and move past this but many things came up not allowing this to happen.

A Social Networking “bitch war” had been raging for weeks with insults and innuendo’s being thrown back and forth both of us convinced we where cryptic and clever not realising that we are so a like that we can recognise that it was meant for the other person. After going through much soul searching I finally reached out and told myself that I would try one last time to restore the friendship and put the past in the past. I am ashamed to say that my attempt was a “like” on facebook. . .not much of an attempt! Moving beyond this I sent a sms “Dinner sounds good tonight, this is my last attempt” once I hit the send button I ran myself a bath. Convinced I would not get a reply I lay in the hot water mulling my thoughts over and over, going over every single little detail trying to figure out how to fix it and if there was any possible way that I could.

A half hour passed and the water started getting cold, as the skin on my fingers started to wrinkle so did my feelings about the animosity between the two of us. I sat up and took a deep breath. As I exhaled I told myself that I would converse in the water again and when I came out I would be ready to move on without the friendship if there was no sms. I wrapped the towel around myself and pottered back to the bedroom trying to appear non-chalant. I reached for my phone and read “Ok pick you up at 7” I quickly dressed and felt my spirit immediately lift. After this short burst of energy I suddenly became scared, what if we just met up and fought more? What if we could not move past this and this would be the last time we saw each other?

7pm came around and we drove to a restaurant that we always go to and was the place where we can be most honest with each other and everything seems better. We shared a plate of cheesy fries and started talking about everything. Why the fight started, how it evolved and how we had come to a resolution. A resolve that required forgiveness, compromise and a promise to be better friends no matter what. I can honestly say I am not always the best friend. I am moody, I am grumpy and when I get in moods I snap and say things in the heat of the moment without thinking about the consequences and then try to cover it up later. It’s a pattern that I know and my friend does as well. All I know is that I am going to try my hardest to work on this because life is too short to live without friends. Life is too wonderful too keep to yourself and if we all where a little better in our friendships this world would be such a better place.

This weekend I learnt to forgive and forget, with the emphasis on forget. I am excited for the future of our friendship and where it is headed. Who have you forgiven lately? I can vouch that forgiveness is healing and will make you feel so much better.

“True forgiveness requires true humility, the courage to let go, move on and not look back. True forgiveness is not about rejection but is about letting go of all the pain and anger to be better, stronger and share a deeper love”

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One thought on “Forgiveness – “You are an arsehole! You really are a bitch you know!”

  1. I love this. We have all had a relationship like this at some point in our lives, and I have definitely had those moments where I thought it would just be easier to move on, leaving the friendship in the dust.

    That’s when I came to the realisation that ofcourse it would be easier to leave the friendship in the dust. Conflict sucks, it doesn’t feel nice to criticise and feels worse to be criticised. But my friendships mean a lot to me, far too much for me to give up on them, even when it is the easiest choice for me to take.

    I like to remember what made us such good friends, why we have been friends for so long, and what it is that we both get out of the friendship. The biggest things I get out of a friendship are trust, comfort, and mutual enjoyment of common interests. The things I do in life mean nothing unless I have people around me to share them with.

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