Halloween is my favourite holiday, every year I always host a big party, get dressed up and have an amazing night, every year it has been so much fun, I love seeing people dressed up in their outfits that are deemed the wild side for their personality and at the end of the night I always feel like I have seen a more personal and intimate side to that person and who they are. Tonight is going to be no exception, granted it isn’t right on Halloween but hey it’s Saturday night and it is close enough. Lately I have retreated back into my shell and had a lot of self reflection on who I am and who I want to be as a person, as a result I have pushed a lot of people and things away to just zone out and have some time for myself. The hardest thing I have found is actually getting myself out of that zone and back into the real world. I have been pushed to a decision, one that is going to change a lot of things in my life and of those around me and while I have been mulling it over for a week now I think it is time that I face up to my decision and deal with the consequences. On a good note I have been driving a lot and after some rather hilarious freak outs in relation to hill starts I am confident on the road and in traffic which is a relief. The first couple of times I went out and could not get the car to stop stalling, over and over and over again it kept stalling. Naturally I blamed the car and the clutch but little did I know that my friend would come along and show me the exact way to slide it into gear without stalling and how to sail through traffic and not freak out on a hill start when some inconsiderate driver cannot see your L plates and parks right up my bumper. I guess the lesson here is people can tell us things all the time, in different ways and different techniques, until you find that person who understands and gets you and knows exactly how to talk to you and explain things some lessons will never be explained the correct way.
This week I am attempting to crawl out of my shell and re-surface into the world a new person, bright, happy and self-aware that I cannot shut myself down for several weeks and hope to be a balanced human being. Yes the world is crazy and it is easy to shut ourselves away in our room with the blinds closed and just melt away, but there is so much more out there to experience and enjoy. It all starts tonight with Halloween! In other related news to myself I am back on the weight train again, this time eating better and exercising more. This week I have actually stuck to eating a lot less than I usually would, taking what I usually would eat in a day and halving it. It is scary and I find myself hungry at times throughout the day but I can actually feel it working.