Ever had a friend ruin your party? Saturday night was my party and yes I cried because I wanted to, or rather because I had to. As most of you know by now Halloween is my favourite holiday and this year was set to be one of the biggest and best I had ever had. The back deck was looking spooky covered in decorations we had spent all day buying and then decorating. Our costumes perfect for the occasion and took a good few hours to get assembled and looking just right. The sun went down and it was time for the party to begin! We began by hiding around the back of the house and scaring our first party guests to get us in the mood. Our playlist was littered with tacky 90s songs that would adorn the playlist and set the perfect mood for a fun night at home with friends and family.
The first few guests arrived and we began drinking and coversing, going through our weeks and lives and enjoying the general chit chat, after some time some other friends arrived and as they walked straight past without a hello it was clear that the drama had just begun. Taking their seats on the opposite end of the deck and ignoring us the night went on and most of the party left except for the trio of drama victims. As my housemate and I sat on the deck drinking and laughing and having a great time just the two of us we decided it was time for a cigarette refill and we headed to the all night petrol station for supplies. Upon our return the mood had turned even more sour as we stepped out onto the back deck once again taking our seats round the large and noticeably empty back table. My mood skyrocketed and I decided it would be one of those early nights I have been hearing so much about but am yet to experience. I did a final troll on Facebook and decided to do the decent thing and say goodnight, as I walked out into the back room I heard the shrill voice of one of the negative Nancys scream out “That’s why your fat! Cause your living with Al!” My eyes darted to hers for a millisecond and mustering all the strength I have I turned on my heel and walked back into my bedroom.
As I sat on the chair the anger and frustration began to boil up inside me, spilling over I began rehearsing a response, something that I am aware of now was far too late to reply with any meaning. Within another ten seconds my housemate opened my bedroom door “Do you want to get out of here? Like right now!” With a resolving “YES” I pulled on my shoes and headed out to the club. From here the night is a little hazy, a lot of beer and vodka was consumed (a terrible mix I know!) with some random making out and a 3am kebab and bus ride later I became increasingly aware that this was the worse halloween I have ever had. I let someone come into my home, insult my friends and family and ruin the entire evening (well the first part anyway) the old me would never have done that. It was at this time that I realised while it is easy to point fingers and yell and scream and argue with someone who is ignorant and small minded it is just as easy to walk away and feel sorry for them.
Regardless of how hurtful the words are and the deflation of my self esteem I know who I am, I have a future for my life and so does my housemate, so often we let people control our self esteem and worth with negativity and for me this has been the biggest part of this challenge. Coming to the realisation that I have to live my life, none else does, the choices I make, the things I say, the thoughts I allow to enter into my head are my own and I have to live with the effects of those choices and thoughts. Whilst the party element of Halloween was horrible and the future of any party hosting has just gone out the window, I have learnt that I have become a stronger person over the last 12 months, that I have grown and matured into someone I can be proud of.