In 2011 I found myself shying away from people, becoming a recluse in my own world surrounded by just me and sorting out my issues. As a result of this a lot of plans with friends were cancelled or shrugged off as I took the time I needed to sort through everything. On New Years Eve this year I commissioned myself to pulling out of this reclusive lifestyle and being a lot more social in 2012. I stayed home this year I did not travel far or take a holiday that I actually need and now find myself in the situation of desperately needing one. As you may or may not remember I am on a “no drinking for 2012” challenge through Hello Sunday Morning a support group that are helping me stay alcohol free in 2012 to break the habit and control that alcohol has over our society and over my life. To all my friends this challenge sounds absolutely absurd and have resigned to the fact that I would never stick to it for a whole year.
I must admit I have lapsed once at my best friends birthday party last week but that was an exception that I made because of extenuating circumstances which I am sure everyone could agree with, but for now I am soldiering on with the no booze campaign for 2012. Yesterday afternoon one of my close friends who currently resides in Melbourne is back in town and wanted to catch up at the pub, sticking with my “not being a recluse” theme I agreed to meet there and while everyone else was downing champagne, beer and chandys (Sorry Beer with a dash of lemonade so it’s not a Chandy) I drank lemon, lime and bitters and for the first time realised that being sober is not as boring as drunk people make you believe. Watching my friends happy and enjoying each others company, talking about old times and catching up on new ones was an amazing sight to behold. Everyone is healthy and happy and living their lives and making changes, it also struck me that each of these people sitting around this table has brought something meaningful into my life at some point.
I only planned to stay for a few drinks as I knew with all the drinking and commotion my tolerance for drunk people would eventually diminish but as we sat around talking more and drinking more I realised that I am surrounded by amazing people who inspire and motivate me and for the last year I have been shutting them out for my own selfish reasons that at the time I believed were justified. As the drinking eased up and stomachs began to rumble the mention of a nice dinner at a beautiful Vietnamese restaurant down the street I decided that this would be one of those nights when I just rolled with it.
After an amazing feast of Viet veggie pancake and salt and pepper crab we began talking about changes we wanted to make this year, over the last few months I have stacked on the weight due to my complete lack of caring about my body and more about my emotional needs things have completely gone haywire and I find myself back in the same position I was 12 months ago weight wise and I am not happy about it. We discussed strategies and of course my friends offered to help me achieve this by going to the same gym ,getting a trainer and doing as much physically as we can rather than eating and seeing movies and being lumps. As we sorted out the when and hows to implement this strategy it dawned on me that all year I have had this amazing support network that I neglected because I selfishly believed that all I needed was myself and once I had that sorted out nothing and none could hurt me again, I now see how naive I was and by withdrawing myself from the world in 2011 it did a lot more harm than good.
To those that I shrugged off in 2011 I am sorry for doing that to you and I now realise how arrogant and selfish I can be at times and realise that in 2012 that is all going to change as well as getting back in touch with my body and understanding that my health is the one thing I can control in this crazy world.