13 – Starting Over at Boiling Point


One by one our old problems started re-surfacing again, we were so convinced that we had reached a better place in our relationship and then something would come up and either one of us would snap and that would be it, it was on again and the fighting would continue. My family had stopped talking to me due to my decision to head back after a whole 10 minutes in Sydney airport and really looking back I wish I had heard them out.

 

After we moved beyond the fighting our relationship shifted into a phase of “playing house” we would just not fight about things because it was too much effort and I do not believe that either one of us really cared anymore about fighting and who was going to win an argument. We continued to exist in our own mess of unhappiness and searched for some meaning or reason to stay. He started going out places without telling me where or who he was with, and more importantly I stopped caring. This went on for a few months and it was the first time that I felt nothing. I was more content just seeing my friends, partying with Kirsty and running around with Dior who was growing more and more beautiful every day.

 

Obviously this delusion we where living with was destined to come to a halt, we got another housemate in to ease up on the rent payments so we could begin saving for a house deposit. I will pause here so you can catch your breathe and process what I just said. That’s right we actually discussed buying a house together and a savings plan to do it. The new housemate was moving from Brisbane and was coming with nothing and had only seen the spare room via Skype and photos. The prospect of a new energy in the house brought hope to me that things would finally change and maybe this would re-vitalize our appreciation for each other.

 

The night that our new housemate moved in CB and I got into another argument, I tried to keep my cool but finally that wall I had built up that was keeping my feelings in shattered into a million pieces and my anger and frustration spewed forth from every pore in my skin in the shape of daggers aimed at CB. We discussed the house plans, saving, when I was going to finally learn how to drive, the new housemate, the lease on the current house and then it came back to good old trust. He enlightened me with the news that because I had moved out without telling me he no longer trusted me and he had just said he did at the airport when I came back so I wouldn’t go again. Not really the words you want to hear in the middle of an already exasperating argument.

 

Long into the night the discussion went, after I had finally calmed down and began speaking rationally he told me that he was done, this was all he could take and he would be moving out as soon as he could back to his parents house. I couldn’t believe it, I had stayed for him, for this relationship. I had a whole new plan set out for my life and I had thrown it away for this guy. I had lost friendships, work colleagues, family members over this relationship and its toxicity and now when I barely had anything else I was also going to lose this.

 

I sat on the bed and processed all of this information, he told me that he still loved me but this could never work and it never would, no matter how hard we tried, no matter what we put in the past behind us, things could never change.

 

The next Saturday he was gone, I went to work in the morning and came home and the house was trashed. He had moved all of his stuff in a hurry and left the place a complete mess. As I walked through the door surveying the decaying ruins that was my house and relationship I opened the back door to let Dior in. As she jumped and bounded all over me, completely unaware of the pain and humiliation I was going through I slid to the ground and as she calmed down and laid her large body over my lap I buried my face into her fur and cried for what felt like hours. The reality was I sat there for 3 hours crying, patting her, rubbing her ears, going over every single detail of the final fight and trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do. It was the first time in my life that I felt truly alone and with no idea what was going to happen to me next.

 

That night Kirsty came over with her sister and a guy from work I was friends with and his wife. They helped me clean up the house and get my bedroom in order and after we had got it to a reasonable state decided we needed to get out of the house for dinner and have some fun. We devoured some Nando’s Chicken at Glenelg Beach and then headed to the Beach House for mini golf. The whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about the complete mess I had created, left, gone back to and was now left with. I was smiling on the outside but only Kirsty knew that inside I was falling to pieces.

 

Afterwards we decided to go back to my house and watch a movie as the thought of being alone in that house, even for one night sent my emotions into complete meltdown mode (and I think Kirsty knew that there was no way I could do that first night by myself!) It was becoming more and more apparent through several previous interactions that this guy from work’s sexually was questionable even though he was married. He was 20 years old and was married to an asian girl who was new to Australia, and is still to this day one of the loveliest girls I have ever met. Being married to this guy was hard work, he was a bit of a perfectionist, was pig-headed like his father and was extremely awkward in social situations. I could not for the life of me figure out how these two had got together and they where always seem to be fighting and not really have anything in common.

 

He told me that they where still living with his Dad and due to his parents divorce where sleeping in separate camp beds on his Dad’s lounge room floor. I thought he was joking, that is until the day I saw it for myself. All the time we had gone for rides in his car without her there, he was very touchy and I thought to myself that just possibly he was a touchy kind of person, but I have never had a straight guy put his arm around my waist before, hold my hand but just as a friend apparently, kiss me on the cheek and hug me intimately. It made me extremely uncomfortable and this got me thinking about the whole “Marriage of convenience” idea.

 

For many years we have toyed with the idea “a marriage of convenience” Both together legally but not romantically.

We do this for many difference reasons. Comfort, Security, Fear, To stop your family from finding out the truth, to stay in the country, whatever reason we have for doing this, is it truly right? ? In the end does the truth always come out and conquer all??

 

My friend Douglas aka “Twitch” has been in a marriage of convenience for 2 years now. It’s the perfect scene, his father is big in the mortgage industry and has an inheritance worth millions. Twitch decided to marry an asian bride as she needed to stay in the country and Twitch couldn’t tell his family that deep down he really liked boys and would lose this inheritance if daddy dearest ever found out.

 

He created the picture perfect lifestyle for the two of them. No alcohol so neither of them could get drunk and spill the beans, No public displays of affection, this would also leave them both open for “other options.”

 

I never imagined that this kind of life existed or that it would be rewarding or even believable. Twitch started working with me and everybody had their doubts. Married at 18, very naive and stupid, tries to buy everyone’s friendship and had the most annoying personality I have ever come across.

 

I decided to do a little research and find out why this couple do what they do, and how they act when they are together. Twitch would always leave her out of conversations, make decisions for her like order for her in restaurants. I don’t think he realised that this was the most obvious sign of them all. What respecting woman would allow a man to do this? None I know!

It became extremely clear to me this was definitely wrong one drunken night at my house (me being the only intoxicated one), Twitch was lying on the bed next to me, he jumped up, straddled my back and began giving me a really intense massage. The asian bride just sat there watching with eyes of fury, it was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. As his hands delved deeper into my back, I realised that no matter how “convenient”, one person always gets attached.

 

From this evening on, the looks Twitch gave me where full of hidden meanings and dark purposes. A hug here, a kiss there, awkward moments full of double tractions, it made me wonder…Does love conquer all or can we live a life of “convenience”, everything seems to be convenient these days. A starbucks on every corner, you can get a good meal at anytime in the city, you can even microwave a full gourmet meal at home in under 10 minutes, but have we really gone so far to include convenient love?

 

Through all of this I have discovered that a marriage of convenience or “convenient love” will never be a valid form of relationship or resemblance of a life. We make relationships to be happy and fulfilled, not to be trapped, or to run away from our current situation. Love does conquer all and Twitch and the Asian bride may realise this later on in life, but if not they know they can always zap it in the microwave and enjoy their lukewarm existence.

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