The Legend of Miss Deej aka Miss Baltimore Crabs

Many people move to Adelaide for different reasons. I have found Adelaide to be a retreat, an escape for many people. To move here and start fresh seems to be a general theme among many people who have re-located here. They have their different reasons…bad break up, deaths in the family, bad memories, bankruptcy or just a change of scenery. It is also not uncommon to find people moving here to escape their past. This is something I have found very prominent in the gay community.

Many queens have moved here to escape a sordid backstory, by far the most famous was Miss Deej aka Miss Baltimore Crabs. Miss Deej moved here from places unknown, some say he was not even human and just appeared fully formed, the cynic in me disagreed with this.

Miss Deej patrolled the local gay chat room sprouting stories of lost loved ones, family members dying of cancer and tumours. The problem was that Adelaide is a very small place, and the gay community is even smaller. Everyone knows everyone else and their business, and if there was any gossip going around you can bet that EVERYONE knew about it. This was the biggest mistake that Miss Deej made. When she first arrived she met a few older guys in the community and spun them the story of “My mother is really sick with a tumour, and I need money to get home to take care of her.” Unfortunately they believed his story and handed over the cash.

When returning from his all expenses paid holiday, Miss Deej struck again. This time his sister had died in the local hospital from a brain tumour. I had just joined the conversation and was told the same sob story. “Nothing feels important anymore, my life is just not worth living.” Miss Deej’s venom spat and spluttered everywhere, infecting more and more people.

Fortunately for me, my housemate had been around when the first lie was spun and knew the effects of Miss Deej. A liar, a fraud, someone you could definitely not trust, no matter what the circumstances.
Miss Deej started chatting to me about what was happening. His sister had just died, and his mum only has 6 weeks to live with cancer. Being a sanguine I felt pity and sympathised for the poor thing. Being so young and going through so much grief. Miss Deej wanted to come over and be “consoled.” The frigid side of me refused as it was just one of those days where I just couldn’t be bothered. Fortunately for me this was a wise choice. My acquaintance Kanga advised me that his brother worked at the hospital in question and couldn’t find any record of the name or description dying that week. I was a little hesitant at first, this is serious, who would lie about something like that? Miss Deej of course!

The final nail in the 9 inch heels, Miss Deej was calling me a lot and advised that he was up north with family, 9 hours away, looking after his mum and the rest of his family. It was my total surprise when I was walking along rundle mall and who walked right past me. The one Miss Deej, smoking like a train, grinning like hyena. I knew that this was he, I have never said that many curse words in 3 minutes than I did at that point. I started thinking. Was I just really naive? Am I just a walkover that will believe whatever I am told?

No, people like Miss Deej never get anywhere in life. They travel around from place to place, pissing people off and eventually they will run out of places to go and they will end up locked up for life or six feet under. As a race we have evolved to be able to weed out the liars and the thieves, it’s just experience that wakes you up to that. Several weeks and investigations later, I discovered that Miss Deej had been fired from several jobs for pinching from the till, and a massive lawsuit is being created against him.

Oh and if you’re wondering about the aka Miss Baltimore Crabs thing, let’s just say that whoever succumbed to Miss Deej’s lies and became intimate, was in for an itchy experience!


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