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So after an extended hiatus I have decided that this challenge is still going. I got a little lost along the way but I am still keen to keep going and need that drive to kick in where I just give it my all and don’t stop. 

Over the last 6 months I have been going through what I can only describe as a wasteland of life. I have been on and off anti-depressants, struggled with my addictions with alcohol and junk food. I also abandoned my exercise regime which has resulted in an extra 5 kilos in 6 months. Something that only makes the depression and feelings of self-loathing even worse. I fear I have taken 100 steps back from where I was in both my life and this challenge and I don’t know how to pull myself out. I have pulled away from a lot of my friends and after a much needed friend cull in my life have now just surrounded myself with positive, encouraging and honest people that I can rely on. I got rid of the losers, users and abusers and kept the people who are a good influence in my life. 

After 6 months of whining and complaining I have decided to throw myself into writing and working on getting myself “back out there” as they would say. The biggest thing is getting my exercise back on! In my head I want to but I just get distracted, and I know everyone says “make time” and it is easy to say, but hard to actually put into practise. 

I feel like an ogre going to the gym so I am defusing that situation by doing my walks around the beach again, will try that for a month and see how I feel. If I can see an improvement that I can face those confronting mirrors at the gym and attempt to re-intergrate with the fitness society of the world. A society in which, I have never really felt that at home but like to consider myself a part of, in some shape or form. 

Relationship wise there is potential, a piece of my heart was given to someone a long time ago and while we didn’t part on bad terms it really felt like the end of a part 1 with a cosmic TO BE CONTINUED sign written all over it. One of my very first love’s is back on the scene, we are in no rush to push things along, just seeing what happens and let it happen (if it happens) gradually over time. He is someone who is strong, funny, an inspiration and someone that I could see myself with for the rest of my life. But still no jumping the gun! 

On here I will be posting about the challenges that everyday life has been dishing out, how I hope to overcome them and just some fun things as well to lighten the mood if it gets too dark. I am currently relishing in a state of pure bliss at the moment, I have been cooking new Nigella recipes and reliving some old favourites and the Prawn and Mango Red Curry is calling my name! 

I hope you are still reading this and will find some solace or some help through these crazy musings. I will be updating a couple of times every week and please keep commenting, but above all else keep loving, keep praying and keep being who you are! 

 

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