Every now and again I give myself a half week off and weekend and head off down to Canberra to visit some dear friends for some much needed catch up time and relaxation for myself. I was looking forward to this week/end so much for such a long time, and with the lure of Oktoberfest thrown in for good measure, it was set to be an epic time away.
I arrived on Wednesday night, the whole way down I listened to Eat Pray Love the audiobook, a tradition when travelling to Canberra. Just listening to Aunty Liz read always calms my nerves and puts me in the right frame of mind for a rejuvenating time away. After a near miss accident with a crazed Sydney driver, I finally arrived and as I said hi to my friends, I headed straight to bed and passed out, having the best nights sleep I had in a while.
The next morning after awaking feeling refreshed and ready for a day of pleasure, I went outside to find that the weather was completely perfect, it wasn’t hot, it wasn’t cold it was just perfect. A beautiful 23 degree day with a hint of happy sun, we headed into Canberra to a little bakery where we feasted on coffee and croissants. As we wolfed down the flakey, buttery and moist pastries we talked about her upcoming trip to the USA in 2013. Unfortunately this means that my trips to Canberra for pastry and double cappuccino would no longer happen, as I attempted not to dwell on this and focus on what this means for my dear friend, I started thinking about everything that I had achieved in the last few years.
I have built up a group of entertainment websites that people are actually reading and hoping to generate an actual income soon, I am over halfway through a degree that should hopefully see me get a better job than the ones I have had in the past, working in an industry that I am actually interested in. I have recently re-kindled with an old flame that I thought was lost forever, and whilst we are not rushing anything, we are seeing where things will lead once we meet up again. This is an exciting prospect, as this is someone who I have loved for the majority of my life and due to circumstances that were outside both of our control, we were torn apart by distance and things drifted from there.
I obtained my drivers license in the last 12 months, something I thought I could NEVER do, and after a self-confidence I persevered and (eventually) got it and my very own car, a beast of a Barina that I have bonded with and is practically my second home.
As the conversation turned back to all the great things we would do in the whole month I was allowing myself to visit them in the US, I came to the realisation that things are looking up, I have come through a major depression and to the point where I felt like I couldn’t go on, I have moved beyond that and I am no longer needing anti-depressants or positive re-enforcements to get through the day. I had never really stopped to think about my mental health lately, I was so busy I had convinced myself that I was just too busy to stop and think about it, but as this realisation came about, I knew that it was actually dealt with. I had sucked all of the poison out of my life, had carefully selected friends to associate with, while severing ties (both face to face and online!) with others who do not bode my mental health well. Some of these people I have known my whole life and it was horrible having to let them go, but I had to do it for my own well-being.
After a day of outlet mall shopping, we were both feeling depleted and decided that we must return to the bakery for another round of pastries, this time through cherry pie, apple crumble and apple pie. We ordered them to go and headed back to the apartment for double cappuccino and a serving of these sweet irresistible pastries.
As I sipped my coffee and forked through my pastry at an alarming rate, I made a silent proclamation to myself, I had got through the dark times and didn’t need medication or a crutch to lean on to get me through it. It was the first time when I had relied completely on myself to make it through. Usually I pass this burden onto my friends and like a leech suck them dry of emotion and time with my depression. I was overwhelmingly proud of myself and finally feel that I am comfortable in my own company now, something that due to my social and outgoing nature I have never been able to do before. I don’t feel the need to constantly be around people, and in the last 6 months have spent more time with myself than I ever have previously. leech
Needless to say this was the goal of 2012 for me, and I feel that after a lot of soul searching and facing some extremely scary times when I didn’t think I would make it through. I pulled myself out of the pit that I had created for myself, and no-one was around for me to leech energy off.